McKynzie And Mckayla Porter

This is the story of my beautiful baby girls..McKynzie Nicole and McKayla Latrice...gone too soon
( PLEASE if you are going to leave a Tribute or light a candle, do so in English. If you write in another language I have to delete as I don't know WHAT you're saying. Thanks for understanding!)

I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks along. I was elated. Afterall, we had a tubal ligation after the birth of our last born 4 years prior. This pregnancy was SUCH a welcomed blessing!

At 6 weeks I had my first ultrasound. They THOUGHT they saw a second sac...but it was so much smaller than the other, so they dismissed it as a possible vanishing twin. BUT to be sure, some back in two weeks to confirm.

At 8 weeks we went back to check, and to our surprise there they were..two beautiful sacs AND two beautiful HEARTBEATS!!! We are having TWINS!!! OMG!!

At 10 weeks I started spotting. I went in to the docs the next day and they saw a "old bleed" on the ultrasound, so they said that was good since it was old blood, yet I still needed to take it as easy as I can. With that news, hubby made sure I went on bedrest...which was fine by me...living it up as a pampered princess by him is more than welcomed LOL Upon my follow up visit bleeding lessened and I was instructed to go off bedrest and just take it easy. That, I followed as well.

At 12 weeks I had a NT scan which showed all was well. I went home from the doctor tha day to take a nap...only to be awakened to "wetness" in my undies, which was abnormal for what has been going on ( I was still spotting, but I knew this was different) so I stood to go to the washroom to see what's going on, and a HUGE gush of fluid came out. Mixed with a teeny bit of blood, but mostly fluid. I raced to L&D where I was assesed and had more ultrasound and exams, only to determine they have NO clue as to the cause of this. I was told babies were fine, so just take it easy. That was unerving, but ok. That's all they could tell me.

I continued to have spotting, and appointment after appointment, I was given no real answers why, just hypothetical reasons, and told to take it easy. At 14 weeks I had an elective gender scan and found out It was TWO BABY GIRLS!!!! We were so overwhelmingly happy. All 5 of my older children desired 2 girls, I secretly wanted the same! Hubby Always wanted happy and healthy. During this U/s the tech asked me if I was spotting, in which I was shocked and said yes. She told me she saw a Sub Chorionic Bleed, which I never heard that term. I researched and found out it was not good, so scheduled to see the doc two days later. My doctor said that finding was not on their ultrasoun and sort of dismissed it. Trusting my doc, I continued with taking it easy.

At 15 weeks I had a slight heavier bleeding episode, which landed me back in L&D. Nothing was found AGAIN!! It was becoming frustrating! The doc on call told me that it HAD to be a slight placental abruption and that's what they use when there are no other finding. Take it easy was told to me, again. So I was already doing that, nnothing new for me. Home I went.

At 17 weeks I was enjoying a movie with the hubby and drifted to sleep, to feel wetness under my belly. Because my hubby is a jokester, I thought he poured water on my belly, so I rose from the bed to tell him to quit it, he denied the water and we both looked and saw blood. Lots of it. I stood to go in the shower to head to L&D, when a huge splash of blood erupted. Hubby said no time for that, lets go NOW. I got to L&D and passed a HUGE clot. They checked, monitored and kept me over night. I was told..AGAIN..no real reason. By now, Im upset at the uncertainty of the docs and questioned my choice of this being the place for my care, but realized my doc has been really good to me so I dismissed that. The doc that day at least said she was almost sure it was a placental abruption and that there's nothing to be done for it but bedrest. She wanted to place a cerclage as I was also 2.5 centimeters, but after she consulted with my OB, my OB said no, the cons outweighs the pros in a cerclage for me due to my bleeding and risk of infection. That day she put me on P17 injections ( to calm the uterus to prevent preterm labor) and I was to have that and check ups once a week for the duration of the pregnancy. The short term goal was to get me to 24 weeks. With all these appointments, I was in for a LONG road....or so I thought....

On Thursday 8/27/09 I was having slight contractions. I got up to take a shower so that I could go to L&D, but as I stood, blood gushed everywhere. I knew I had no time for that so I called my mom to come be with the kids, called hubby to get to the hospital (he was at work) and called my doc and told her I was on my way.

I cried the whole way there. I knew something was different about this time. This time had a eery feeling. So I got here and they assesed me and said I would not be going home anytime soon. My doc said I had significant bleeding and I was dialated to 4 centimeters outside and 3 inside. I started to bawl. She told me don't worry (yeah right) that we don't know the outcome. I may just have to be there on bedrest the rest of my pregnancy, I may have one baby and the other survives....we were about to play the waiting game.

Contractions subsided, then picked back up strongly...to the point I needed an epidural. I prayed and prayed that the epi would slow the contractions up so the can stop, but when my doc checked me about 2 hours later she told me it was inevitable... I was 5 centimeters, 50% effaced and a water bag was bulging...I was delivering within a few days. I was DEVASTATED. But she kept clinging to the "fact" that I could very easily keep the second inside and safe. That only gave a tiny bit of comfort...I want BOTH my babies but if God's will is for one then please Lord give her a fighting chance. At that point I got a fever. I was spiking a temp of 102.4 so they started antibiotics and gave me Tylenol. That never helped though.

Labor continued and continued until my water bag just went ahead and broke. At 5:13am on August 28, 2009 my sweet baby Angel McKynzie Nicole Porter was born into this world way too soon. I was only 18 weeks 3 days pregnant, but she was perfect, just tiny. She lived for 2 hours while myself and my hubby got to hold and talk to her to help her transition to be with God. I kept reminding her it's ok, and she could go when she saw Angels. My God...how I want my baby back. She moved around alot and daddy decided he needed to cuddle her and hold her tightly to let her know it's ok. My baby fought so hard!! We took lots and lots of pics of her while she was still alive. at 7:20 my baby went to be with Jesus forever.

At around 6am before McKynzie passed, the let me know I was loosing tons of blood...almost 2 liters. Which means I was henorraging and this was a matter of life and death for me, so they said they HAD to deliver my 2nd baby. I screamed begging and pleading them not to. Asking why is this happening to me and my sweet babies. Meanwhile I was feeling myself slipping in and out of sleep which I later learned that was actually my life and death situation starting up. So they gave me some injection which made me contract again and at 6:33 am My angel Baby McKayla Latrice Porter was born...still.

We held them and took so many pictures of our precious girls'. They were beautiful and looked just like mommy We had a Now I lay me down to sleep photographer come do a shoot of our bereaved family and it is so awesome. There are lots of emotions in those pics and in our hearts right now. I wonder did I do something wrong? Is this a punishment of some sort? What more could my docs have done? Why wouldn't they give me mag to let my girls live? Those and a TON more, but I have to keep my girls memory by remebering the 18 weeks we had together. I am devastated to say the least.

It was so devastating telling the children. We all looked very forward to these girls and to lose them has been hard on us all. Today I left the hospital with empty hands and a VERY heavy heart. It was outright cruel to have to be wheeled out of there, in maternity clothes, with nothing but memory boxes. My milk has really started to leak, and that's been THE worst. I know what that milk is for, who iit's needed for and what i SHOULD be doing with it, but I cant. I have to watch my babies' milk drip and drop from mommy with no destination. I wish there was a flight to Heaven...I'd make sure they had their milk shipped first class!

Mommy's baby girls, We'll love you forever. Your life was a blessing, your memory a Treasure, You are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure!!!